The sun was setting, and the sky was beginning to darken. The waiter bent to light the single candle on the table. Then as Lizzie started to open her menu, Jack handed her a small satin box. His eyes lit up as she slowly opened it and stared at the ring, nestled inside. For once in her life, she was speechless. Was Jack the best boyfriend or what? He fed her Godiva chocolates by the pound, and now he had gone and bought her jewelry. The ring was a beautiful fire opal, her birthstone, surrounded by small, individually cut diamonds that sparkled in the candlelight.
Jack slipped the ring onto the fourth finger of her left hand. “This ring is beautiful and delicate like you, Lizzie, and the opal has your inner fire that sets me ablaze every day.” He paused, and she saw that he was nervous. That was a first.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
Jack held Lizzie’s hand in his and kissed the knuckles. The feel of his lips was making her melt faster than butter in the sun. The ring was so thoughtful, but her birthday was a long way off.
“I love the ring. It’s so beautiful,” Lizzie told him. “But it’s way too soon for my birthday.”
“I know.”
Jack was grinning. Something was up, and Lizzie was beginning to get nervous. “Why did you put the ring on this finger?”
“Why do you think?”
It finally began to dawn on her, and she started to panic. Without giving any thought to Jack’s feelings, Lizzie went ahead and said what was on her mind. “I think this ring means that you want to take the big step, but I’m not ready for that kind of a commitment yet.”
Jack felt as if his heart had been ripped apart by Lizzie’s words. She sure had him fooled. All this time, he thought that she loved him. “Don’t you love me, Lizzie?” he asked.
Why couldn’t she think before she spoke? That had been a problem her whole life. Lizzie was lucky because her friends loved her despite her propensity to blurt out whatever she was thinking. The hell with the consequences. How could she possibly make Jack understand without adding more salt to the wound? In a million years, she had never expected him to want to get engaged this early in their relationship.
Lizzie tried to joke her way out of it. “You know how much I love you. It’s just that marriage is such a big step. I was telling my girlfriend that neither one of us was rushing into an engagement. Let’s consider the ring to be an early birthday present.”
Jack’s fist came down hard on the table, causing water to spill out of the glasses. Lizzie saw the pain and the anger in Jack’s eyes, and she knew that she was the cause of it.
“I didn’t know that getting engaged was rushing things when two people are in love. I didn’t know there was a timetable before we could commit to each other and seal that love with an engagement ring. What a schmuck I am!”
Jack needed to verbalize his pain while Lizzie nervously wrung her napkin under the table, helpless to do anything. “Let me see if I heard you correctly. You want to keep the ring as your birthday present. Well, happy birthday, baby, but this is not your present. It was supposed to be your engagement ring. Then all the world would know that you belong to me, and we’re crazy in love.” Jack took a deep breath and forced himself to continue. “Getting you this ring was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. I’ll take it back to the jewelers and try to get a refund. But with my luck, I’ll probably be stuck with store credit that I’ll never get the chance to use.”
Lizzie was wallowing in guilt, but despite that, she still didn’t want to get engaged. Just the idea of it scared the living daylights out of her. If forced to give a reason for her fear, she would not be able to come up with one. She didn’t even know why she was so petrified of committing to anyone or anything.
“Jack, I’m so sorry,” Lizzie told him. “You need to know how much I love you. I’m just no good when it comes to commitment. I can’t even get myself to take care of a goldfish, let alone another human being. If I accept this ring, I’d be committing myself to marriage, and I’m scared spitless that I would fuck it up―just like I do everything else in my life,” she admitted, awash in shame.
Jack sat silently, staring into his water glass. He couldn’t get himself to look at Lizzie because the hurt was a raw aching wound that festered with each breath he took. Lizzie reached across the table and lifted Jack’s chin to force him to see her. “Jack, I need to make you understand. All of my life, I’ve felt ugly and insecure. Ali and Suzanne are both blond and gorgeous, and Ali is a fantastic interior designer. Yes, I know that my job at Bloomingdale’s requires me to choose the home furnishings. But that’s not the same as putting it all together and making a room come alive the way that Ali does. She gets the credit for making my apartment look like a page out of a decorating magazine. I was just along for the ride.”
The fog of pain that Lizzie’s rejection had wrought began to lift as Jack listened to her words of self-deprecation. She was baring her soul, and he felt her anguish, which overrode his hurt for the moment. “You’re beautiful, babe. I love you just the way you are, but you’ve got to stop belittling yourself. It kills me when you do that.”
“I don’t do it on purpose. It’s the way I feel about myself.” Lizzie hesitantly touched the ring and admired how lovely it was. “Jack, let me ask you a question.” Taking a chance, Lizzie put her hand over his, and to her relief, he didn’t pull away. “If I were to wear this beautiful ring, could we make it a long engagement? I love you very much, but I’m afraid that you’ll end up hating me because I couldn’t live up to your expectations.” She looked at Jack through tear-stained eyes. “Why do you even want to be with me? I wouldn’t want to be stuck with me if I had the choice.
Jack’s anger evaporated because poor Lizzie was a mass of insecurity. She needed his love and support, and he would do whatever it took to help get her past her fears. He realized that it could take a lifetime, and he drank his wine down in one long swallow. “Take as long as you need Lizzie. I’m in no rush, either.” Jack hated lying to Lizzie, but what choice did he have?
The Dream Lover Series 